oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
