I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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