she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
