i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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