You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
