I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
being pregnant is like rehab
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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