if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
