Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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