Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
