also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
