I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
