I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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