mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
