I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
