guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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