He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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