kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
