we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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