i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
