would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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