Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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