Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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