I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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