he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize