this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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