At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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