We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
