And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize