I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
