Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
