I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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