Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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