you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
