Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
