No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Randomize
