you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
