He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
