So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
