I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
