Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
