You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize