Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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