I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
