Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
