So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
