Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
