Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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