Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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