I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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