I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
