wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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