allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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