Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
