its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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