I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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