I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
