I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
