Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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