Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
