Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
