the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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