i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
