Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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