Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
