My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
