his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
