found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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